


Whatever Comes of You and Me

by a_scholar



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Smut, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 23:16:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10398348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_scholar/pseuds/a_scholar
Summary: Tour photographer Sauli gets the gig of his dreams when he's hired to take part in Queen's summer tour. He's in no way prepared for the explosion of charisma that is Adam Lambert. The crush is instant, but how should he interpret Adam's alternating hot and cold behavior towards him? There's a merry chase through Europe, indecent clothing choices and one too many gay bars.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Notice the rating.

For the hundredth time Sauli checks his camera bags, making sure everything is in working order and he hasn't forgotten anything.

”Have you seen the spare cable I bought last week? I can't find anything in this mess.”

It's not actually even that bad, his flatmate Judy having made huge improvements in regards to her tidiness. Sauli knows he's being unfair, but any stuff lying around drives him nuts and he's already nervous.

”I think you have more than enough of them packed,” she says. ”Relax.”

”I don't want to screw up.”

”When do you ever do that? You've got this, you're a professional. Don't worry.”

Maybe he should go through the equipment checklist one more time. This is the most important job he's ever had and one that he wants to excel at. It's Queen he's working for, unquestionably one of the greatest bands of all time. It's also a band whose music he personally likes, having listened to it on and off since his teens, even going through a phase of obsessing over Freddie. It's not always the case that he likes the music or the people he's working with, even though his musical taste is diverse and he's easy to get along with.

But Judy is right, of course. By all means he should think of himself as an established tour photographer, not a novice. Most of the time he trusts his own ability to do the work, but he's been repeatedly told he should stop being too humble. He's just never been good at selling himself. Getting this job is an incredible stroke of luck. He's worked in the UK for most of his twenties after getting a degree in photography back in Finland. During his studies the plan to combine his passions for music and photography had solidified. Wanting to pursue an international career he had moved to the UK, the decision made easier by one of his sisters moving there before him. At first he had got his hands on any music related photography job he could get, trying to improve his English, but after the early days he's never been out of work for too long.

The jobs aren't always easy and sometimes he has to deal with a lot of crap, but he tries to take everything with a smile and build a positive reputation. It seems to have paid off, because someone had recommended him to Queen. There had been an open position and apparently Brian and Roger had taken a liking to his work. When Sauli had received the call asking after his availability, he'd actually had to sit down for fear of passing out.

He's never seen the collaboration between Queen and Adam Lambert, although he's heard very good things about it and is bummed to have missed the UK shows the previous year. He's been aware of Adam Lambert the way every gay man is aware of the few openly gay musicians out there, even remembering him from Idol. After getting the job he's naturally watched videos on Youtube, already with the eye of a photographer. It's obvious the man is doing a phenomenal job fronting the band.

”Will you look after the plants?” he asks.

”As always I'll try not to kill them, if that's what you mean. Go already!”

He's shared a north London flat with Judy for almost a year now, ever since his last relationship ended. That one had lasted less than six months, and even though they'd had a nice time together, truthfully Sauli hadn't been as in love with his ex as he should have been to even start a relationship. He gets along famously with Judy, but she probably appreciates having the flat to herself so often since Sauli is away for long periods of time.

”Don't throw too many wild parties without me!”

\---

So this is how he finds himself on tour with Queen and Adam Lambert. He doesn't meet the band until their first stop at Rock in Rio festival in Lisbon, but he travels there with the crew. It's kind of blowing his mind he's now a part of it all. The whole team is lovely. Everyone is very good at their job but there's a relaxed atmosphere. He gets the sense it's like a touring family, one which he's warmly accepted into. His accent is deemed adorable. It's still quite evident, even though he's unavoidably caught hints of Britishness after living there for so long.

Finally meeting Brian and Roger is less terrifying than he would have thought, and they are very complimentary about his work. However, about five seconds into first meeting Adam Lambert, Sauli is hopelessly infatuated. Spotting a new face among the crew, Adam marches straight to him. He's wearing a black cap and shades, but takes the shades off before greeting. He's taller than Sauli would have thought. Adam grips his hand and smiles warmly.

”It's nice to meet you.”

Sauli is pretty certain he responds likewise. He can't stop smiling. He hopes they haven't actually spent minutes just smiling at each other. Surely it only feels like he's stuck smiling and staring at Adam's widening smile.

\---

Since it's the first concert, the band and the entire crew have dinner together and mingle, celebrating the start of yet another tour. Sauli is free to observe Adam interact with people, and he forms a theory that everyone who meets Adam develops a crush on him on some level, even if they're not aware of it. It's a bit reassuring.

Adam's hair is different from the videos he's seen. It's dyed light on top, darker at the roots and looks very fluffy and soft. His stubble is neatly trimmed.

Production assistant Maggie keeps looking in Sauli's direction. ”So, Sauli. Do you have a boyfriend, then?”

The question is intentionally loud. Adam turns his head on the other side of the room. Sauli cringes inwardly. He's already let the crew know he's gay, back during their journey to Portugal, and he's pretty sure they should also know he's single. It is so blatantly a way to make sure Adam knows he's gay and available that Sauli wishes the ground would swallow him. He answers negatively and glares at the smirking Maggie. Straight people.

Thankfully the butterflies in his stomach calm down a little and he manages to be his normal self when Adam comes over for a chat. It's surprisingly easy to talk to Adam, and he's asked a lot of questions about his work, how he finds the touring life, living in the UK. After the first correction Adam gets his name right, pronouncing it carefully and far better than most people. Sauli is used to everyone pronouncing it to varying degrees of correctness, but Adam is obviously adept at imitating different sounds. There's a real danger of getting obsessed with the way Adam says it.

\---

The first concert happens in a daze. It's difficult to concentrate on working and not pause to stare at what's happening in front of his eyes. Over the years he's learned to control the instinct to move in the rhythm of the music, but this time it's harder than usual not to join the audience and jump up and down. He can't come up with adjectives to properly describe the show. It's unbelievable to actually see Brian and Roger play. Adam is even better than on video, vastly so, the charisma so much stronger live, the sounds coming from his mouth jaw-dropping. Adam catches his eye more than a few of times. He's really playing it for the camera, at one point on his knees in front of Sauli. It makes his heart beat madly. _Get a grip_.

\---

Everything is different in Barcelona. When Adam arrives at the venue, Sauli gets completely avoided and ignored. It could be interpreted as general moodiness if not for the fact that Adam is clearly chatting amiably with everyone else. Sauli doesn't see him after the show.

In the morning he hears Adam had gone out with Rufus and his girlfriend Jess. They'd gone bar-hopping and the final one had been a gay bar. There's no real reason to feel left out, but he can't deny feeling a bit hurt. They don't even know each other that well yet, but it would have been natural to be invited since the four of them are the youngest people on the tour, _and_ it had been a gay bar, dammit.

Since the day is free, Sauli decides to enjoy the Adam-free time and hangs out with the crew. They go to the crowded beach and he gets relentlessly teased, all in good nature though. They pick him up and throw him in the sea, bury him in sand. He retaliates. It's already an ongoing joke among the crew that Sauli only thinks he's been hired as the photographer, when in actuality he's the crew mascot, cute and tiny but feisty when teased.

Rufus and Jess join them later, obviously not entirely cured from their hangovers.

Jess whistles. ”Look at you, Sauli. You don't have like, an ounce of fat in you.”

Sauli flicks some sand at her. She's fun to be around and she has a point, Sauli has been bit by the fitness bug. He's glad it's easy to fit his workout routine into the tour schedule. He can always find a gym and enough free time.

\---

Since they travel together, Sauli ends up spending a lot of time with the crew. Queen uses the jet and either stays at pricier hotels or at least has far fancier rooms than the crew. Sauli has no complaints whatsoever, as everything is still infinitely smoother and more luxurious than on any of his previous jobs. He's slept in tents at festivals, after all. Separate travelling means he sees less of the band than he would if everyone was packed on the same bus, however.

At the next venue Adam greets him normally and seems as friendly as ever, almost as if the last show had never happened. Sauli goes along with it, happy to be on speaking terms again. He watches the soundcheck, bumps into Adam backstage. He tries not to, but he's intensely aware whenever Adam is around. It's impossible not to turn and look when Adam throws his head back and that laugh rings around the room. Adam makes everyone laugh, joking around with the crew like a complete dork. He smiles when he sees Sauli, who's going over photos from the previous concert on his laptop.

”Your sleeve looks great.” Adam touches his tattooed bicep lightly. ”I'm probably going to stay black and grey myself, but I love other people's color tattoos.”

He moves the straps of Sauli's sleeveless top so he can see the birds under Sauli's collarbones.

”I love those.”

The paper cup full of coffee nearly burns Sauli's hand before he remembers he's holding it. Adam promptly sits down next to him to have a conversation about tattoos. Sauli doesn't register a word of what he's saying for a good long while.

\---

The next day Sauli is ignored again. The hot and cold behaviour is confusing as hell. He can't get a handle on Adam. As far as Sauli can see, Adam is consistetly good-natured with everyone else, so it doesn't make him feel very good to be treated differently. Adam doesn't look in his direction and he's not sure, but one time it looks like Adam turns on his heels when he sees Sauli is present. It's annoying and it makes him determined to show he doesn't care one bit, so he laughs loudly with the guys.

\---

In Austria Sauli makes the rookie mistake of not checking if there's enough space on his memory card. He decides to go swap it for an empty one when the band finishes 'Somebody to Love' and Brian's solo stars. Silently he vows to pay extra attention to take great shots during Brian's solo at the next venue. Backstage he bumps into Adam, who's a feathered whirlwind of sweat and energy, radiating happiness. He's toweling himself dry.

"Catch!" Jokingly Adam pretends to throw his towel at Sauli, the way he would throw it at fans in the audience.

Sauli makes a disgusted face. "Get a shower, Lambert!"

"No time! Can't leave Roger hanging." Giggling, Adam heads for a costume change before 'Under Pressure'.

Sauli takes a few deep breaths in the miraculously empty hallway.

He would have gladly taken Adam's sweaty towel. It's perhaps pathetic, but he's already passed the point of trying to lie to himself about how much and in what ways he thinks about Adam when he's alone.

Because, oh boy, does he think about him. After staring at Adam all night long through his camera, when he's finally alone at the hotel that voice and laugh echo in his head. He's given up on not picturing Adam as the center of his fantasies when he brings himself off. Thinking about Adam gets him hot in an embarrassingly short time.

He's captured by that voice, he's never heard anything like it. Every night Adam does something different with it. It's fascinating to watch him win the crowds over. Barely in no time at all they're under his spell. Adam is a beast on stage, effortlessly changing between different genres and mood, from aggressively sexual to riotously funny and entertaining. During the ballads he's able to show vulnerability so openly and beautifully. But whatever Adam is doing on stage, he doesn't take himself seriously and is constantly cracking himself up. It's ridiculously charming and Sauli kind of hates him for it. Adam can do anything and it's charming—when Sauli messes up he feels and surely looks like an idiot, like a regular person.

It's sometimes hard to comprehend that the tour de force on stage is the same sweet guy backstage. Adam is like a magnet that Sauli is intensely pulled to. Whenever they are close it's like there's an electrical current, but he doesn't know if it's all just in his own head. Sometimes it feels crazy that the one person who makes you feel like that would also happen to feel a pull to you, but sometimes he thinks how could Adam _not_ be aware of it?

Adam seems like he wears his heart on his sleeve. He's open with everyone, paying attention to everyone he speaks to. Which is why it's so confusing and frustrating not to understand what Adam thinks about him. Sauli's interest must be obvious, he doesn't think he makes a good job of hiding it. Surely Adam can see it in his eyes. If Adam doesn't share his feelings, would it not be decent to let Sauli know? None of the crew has made any comments, but Sauli is sure that some of them suspect Sauli is interested. His own friends are relentless even though they've never met Adam. The messages arriving to his phone are a mix of "have you slept with him yet" and "can you tell Adam hi from me”.

\---

In Cologne it starts pouring down with rain and Sauli gets soaked. He's wearing a raincoat, but it's impossible to prevent the rain from getting inside his coat when he's taking photos. He's standing in a puddle and his shoes are drenched. It's more important to ensure his camera stays covered. The band and the audience must be uncomfortable, although you wouldn't guess it from the level of enthusiasm displayed. Sauli gets lost in the moment as well, excited by how great photos he's getting with the raindrops making everything look raw and powerful.

After the show he's pulling off his wet hoodie, leaving him wearing only a damp top which has low cuts on the sides that reveal his skin. He's still disentangling his arms from the hoodie when a door opens and Adam comes out with his publicist in tow. Adam looks all dry and warmly bundled up except for his still damp hair. He's clearly ready to be taken to the comforts of his hotel room.

Adam stops in his tracks, eyes widening. Nobody says anything for ages, or for a second, Sauli doesn't know which. He feels like he's been caught at something, like he's standing naked in the hallway even though he obviously isn't. He feels ridiculous in his drenched, squeaking shoes and wet curls drooping on his forehead, his top probably plastered to his skin. He can't move, Adam's gaze pinning him in place.

English seems to escape Sauli, but eventually he manages, "Good job, out there. I mean... The rain. And all that."

"Thanks, you too," Adam replies after a beat, and walks past him.

He looks at the publicist who slowly raises her eyebrow before following.

Sauli feels a little hysterical. How is this his life now? He doesn't know what to make of it. Banging his forehead on the wall once, he resigns to his fate of having to take care of his equipment and make sure it's dry before calling it a night. What he should do is get a drink. Possibly get laid, too.

\---

At the next venue in Denmark Adam avoids looking at him when he arrives. Only later when Sauli is sneezing repeatedly Adam stops and turns back to him.

"Are you alright? Did you get sick?"

"I'm fine, I'm okay."

The look Sauli receives is so emphathetic he has to gaze at his shoes.

"Come with me,” Adam says. ”I have Throat Coat and honey in my room."

The atmosphere inside is soothing and it smells really good. The room is a quiet heaven after the rush that's happening everywhere backstage. Adam makes him sit down on a couch, lights a candle and sets an electric kettle to boil. Once he's made two cups of tea he brings them over and even hands Sauli a blanket.

"Take this, too. You can't get sick now."

"I should stay away from you if there's any danger of me getting sick. I heard how rough it was last year when you were sick on tour. I'll feel terrible if you catch something from me."

Adam actually winks at him. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you."

It makes Sauli chuckle, even though there's a sharp sting inside his chest, which he doesn't quite want to understand, but recognizes the feeling from past heartaches. The follow-up question is so obvious Sauli feels he has no choice but to ask.

"Is that how you got sick last time, then?"

That really makes Adam laugh, a full open laugh which is completely infectious. "I probably got it from Brian."

Sauli almost spits his tea.

"Not from kissing! But he was sick first. Actually, it could have come from anywhere, it was flu season and damn cold everywhere."

"Aww. Cold for a Californian boy, you mean," Sauli cooes.

Adam flips him off mock-seriously but can't hold back a smile. "Says the viking."

Sauli finishes his tea. "Thanks for this. I should go and let you relax before the show."

"You don't need to go. Sit here for a while, gather some strength. You're going to be there, too. On your feet for hours."

Sauli doesn't protest. He ends up staying almost for an hour, during which the only interruption is Adam's PA checking if the day's dinner option is okay with Adam. They don't talk much, but the silences aren't awkward. Adam does some stretches and looks at his phone a lot, but it doesn't feel like an impolite avoidance of each other. They're just comfortably sharing space. At one point Sauli realizes he's been napping.

He feels re-energized before the night's concert. Even the cold he's felt looming ahead goes away.

\---

Here's the thing. Sauli thinks there's something there, whatever it is. The problem is, he can't tell if the special affinity between them means anything. Adam's behaviour with him, at least when he's not acting distant, is certainly flirtier than with the other men of the crew, who are all straight. So he doesn't know if he and Adam are flirting just because they're both gay. Being the only two gay men on this tour and close in age, it's natural there's a kinship and understanding. But truth be told, the way he and Adam are flirting reminds Sauli of the behaviour he's used to with his own gay friends. He tries not to imagine what it would feel like to have Adam flirting with him for real. To be the center of that attention, to have that wicked smile and those eyes looking at him full of intent. Fuck, he's obsessing again.

\---

”Sauli. Listen to this.” Adam plops down next to him and places headphones on Sauli's ears.

He doesn't recognize the music and is surprised when he hears Adam's voice. The song is very mellow.

”I like it. It reminds me of something, like a place or a feeling. I like it a lot.”

”It's a demo I've been working on. I wanted to hear your opinion. I've picked it apart too many times myself. I think it could be good but I can't listen to it objectively anymore. I kind of over-analyze everything and everyone.”

”Really?”

”Yeah. Sometimes I drive myself nuts.”

It makes Sauli smile. ”Sounds like you need to just stop thinking. Let that busy head rest. Go with the flow.” He nudges Adam's arm. ”Let me hear it again.”

\---

He gives up and googles. He already knows Adam is single. Trying to find out about his exes and his type doesn't give any clear picture, however. The few exes seem physically slim and kind of pretty, he guesses, but he has no idea of their personalities. He comes across a few references to Adam having fun as a bachelor, and honestly the way Adam radiates sensuality and sexual energy, Sauli has no trouble believing Adam is someone who really enjoys his sexuality. He's certain Adam has no shortage of offers. During concerts Sauli can easily spot gay men in the crowd, some of whom look ready to eat Adam up. ”Can somone find me somebody to love?” That's the line Adam uses in some variation every night as a lead-up to the song, and Sauli wonders if it's for real and if Adam does find somebody to love after a show. He sees the way Adam looks when they come off stage. There's so much pent-up energy in him that Sauli can't help but wonder if there's also a some kind of release.

He reads that Adam is sort of looking for love in a more long-term way, but has said it would be impossible with his travelling lifestyle. Eventually Sauli makes himself stop before going too deep down the rabbithole. It's weird to be reading about someone he's getting to know face-to-face. Before closing the tabs he comes across one more tidbit, however, and instantly half of him regrets it. It's a quote from an old interview where Adam teases that he likes to be on top. The information goes straight down Sauli's body, making him bite his lip and groan in frustration.

There's no way he's getting that image out of his head now. He's wondered before, of course he bloody has, about the kind of sex Adam likes to have. He would have definitely guessed it to be so, but it's different to know it. Adam has such an air of masculinity on stage, strutting around in his boots and studded leather jacket. His behaviour is overtly sexual, thrusting those hips one minute and humping a mic stand the next, licking the mic as if it's really something else. Still, regardless of the dominance Adam displays, he also manages to change his manner in an instant and embrace his more feminine side. In the second part of the show he's completely camp and over-the-top, but none of it feels forced. It's brilliant.

Adam's confidence and self-deprecating humor makes Sauli think that despite apparently preferring to be on top when having sex, Adam seems like someone so secure about himself that he likely gives fuck-all about any stereotypes of dominant/submissive roles in the bedroom. Sauli himself prefers to be with a more dominant partner, and most of the time to be on the receiving side. He enjoys having someone's weight on him, and being fucked, but he also enjoys driving his partner crazy with pleasure.

Watching Adam night after night through his camera lens almost makes Sauli feel like a voyeur, even though thousands of people are watching with him. He gets hard during the concerts, it can't be avoided. Ever since the first show he's made sure to wear a long shirt that covers his front, or shorts or jeans that aren't as tight as Adam's. Adam on the other hand is completely shameless about displaying what he's packing. His jeans leave little to imagination. Sauli photographs musicians, so he knows getting stiff is something that can happen to male singers, but he's never seen someone be so unflappable about it and embrace it at the same time. Using your vocals to their full extent causes vibrations in the muscles of your lower body, and Sauli has certainly never photographed anyone with the vocal capability that Adam has. Combined with the incredible excitement rush Adam seems to get from performing, it's no wonder it sometimes shows in the form of an appealing bulge. All of which Sauli's camera catches. He's so turned on by watching Adam that sometimes it feels like all of it is only for his personal torment.

Mostly he should just really, really stop thinking about Adam's sex life and concentrate on his own, since those two don't seem to overlap.

\---

After the rainy concerts the next stop is in Sauli's country of origin. It's a bit weird. He's been hired as a photographer on tours that have stopped in Finland a couple of times before, but this is Queen and it strikes him again how incredibly lucky he is. Nearly all his Helsinki-based friends and collegues are coming to see the show. As soon as the crew gets to Finland, Sauli's role naturally transforms from being just a photographer to an all-around assistant and interpretator. It's not vital in any way, because everyone the crew has to deal with speaks perfectly fine English, but having Sauli around seems to make things that extra bit easier and more relaxed. He's able to quickly pass a lot of information to the Finnish employees at the venue, who in turn seem happy to be able to talk to him instead of trying out their English. It's not like Sauli can be everywhere at the same time, but he's happy to help as much as he can. When Adam and the band arrive, Sauli continues in this role, just hanging around and making himself available. He can feel Adam's eyes on him.

"I haven't heard you speak Finnish before. Properly. Not just teaching me how to swear."

It's true, Sauli has only made Skype calls to Finland from his hotel rooms. It feels nice to have Adam's attention on him, but him being the one taking care of things and Adam watching from the sidelines. Usually Adam's presence fills any room so completely.

\---

The concert goes well and Sauli's phone is flooded with enthusiastic messages from his friends. He calls his parents, confirming his assumption that he doesn't have time to visit them this time, but promises he'll come over later in the summer. He's packing his cameras away when Rufus and Jess catch him. Rufus clasps his shoulder.

"There you are! We've been thinking. You're the local one, see. Could you show us around, take us to your favourite bars? I'm sure you and Adam would prefer a gay bar, we can tag along. Actually, Jess prefers gay bars, too," Rufus laughs.

”Oh, hell yes!” she says. ”I'm not on the market anymore so I'd much rather go to a gay bar, it's so much more fun every time. Rufus is happy wherever his friends are.”

So that's how Sauli finds himself in the VIP section of the largest gay club in Helsinki with Adam, Rufus, Jess, and four of Sauli's friends he's invited along. Sauli has been there many times before, but never with a VIP. There are extra bouncers to keep an eye on things and ready to intervene if Adam is bothered too much. It's probably for the best, because Adam looks devastating and it's glaringly obvious how everyone is trying not to stare at him. He's wearing black leather trousers and a white top under a black unbottoned shirt with rolled-up sleeves. Sauli tries to think back to the time before he met Adam and didn't yet think of him as the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen, but sadly it's hard to remember what that was like.

Luckily Sauli's old and new friends are getting along well, his friends not too starstuck about talking to a celebrity. He's had a few drinks but thinks he probably shouldn't drink too much. Otherwise he risks being embarrassingly obvious about his infatuation. He's chatting and laughing with the others, but feels nervous inside. Adam seems to be having a good time, though, laughing that melodic laugh and obliging to take photos with fans. Sauli's pulse picks up every time Adam looks at him, and no, just no. Enough of this. Sauli stands up, leaves his jacket on the couch and drags two of his gay friends on the dance floor, trying not to care about what goes on inside Adam's head.

After several songs and in need of a break he returns to their table. Adam has his back towards him and Sauli hears him yell to Rufus above the noise. "I knew this was a bad idea!"

Rufus shrugs with a smile, but Sauli has a paranoid feeling the comment is somehow about him. When Adam sees Sauli, he smiles and proceeds to order tequila, persuading Sauli to have one, too.

Later they're all dancing, Sauli trying to ignore the guys making eyes at Adam and inching ever closer. Someone touches Sauli's own arm—a tall, nicely muscled guy. He has a buzzcut and is actually pretty cute, talking into Sauli's ear and telling him he loves Sauli's photography. It's nice, but it's not like Sauli can get properly interested in anyone else right now. He can't just fuck this whole thing away, it doesn't work like that with him. He needs to get rid of the crush first before he'll feel like touching some other man. So he laughs, thanks the guy and exchanges a few words back, difficult enough in the noise of the dancefloor. He gently expresses he's not interested in pursuing a longer chat and motions to the others that he's taking a bathroom break.

Even without directly looking, Sauli is aware Adam is staring at him and motioning he's also taking a break. They squeeze past the dancing mass to get to the bathrooms. The tequila is working its magic, making Sauli feel loose and excited.

"Are you having fun? Is this ok?" he asks, meaning the night club.

"Yeah. All good." It's an uncharacteristically curt reply.

In the bathroom Sauli picks a free urinal, slamming one hand on the wall to support himself. Thankfully the only other free one isn't next to his.

They've barely exited the bathroom when Sauli's wrist is grabbed and he stumbles as he's being dragged behind Adam to a dark corner. Before he has time to fully realize what's happening, he's pushed against a wall, hot lips pressed on his.

Adam's body is a heavy weight against him. Sauli opens his mouth for him right away, which makes Adam groan, and they're kissing furiously. The kiss is immediately dirty like they've both been just waiting for this to happen. Which in truth Sauli has, desperately. Adam's stubble is scraping against his face. _He tastes good_ , Sauli thinks with his tequila-addled brain. Adam's tongue feels amazing in his mouth, kissing and licking. They break to gasp for breath and lock their lips again. There's a hand in Sauli's hair, another one reaching to lift his leg up, which he hooks around Adam's hips. Adam steps even closer and grinds his hips flush against Sauli's. It makes him moan into the kiss. That's Adam's fucking dick. It feels huge and hard pressing against his. He registers the scent, the cologne which he loves and Adam's own heady scent. It makes Sauli want to lick Adam's neck. He's grabbing everywhere he can reach, Adam's shoulders, down his back to his round ass. Sauli is completely lost in the kiss, surrounded and overwhelmed by Adam, aware only of Adam's body and the low bass thump of the club.

Unfortunately the heated make-out session doesn't last very long before a loud group of people tumbles by and almost crashes into them. Startled, Adam breaks away from him. He looks shaken, staring at Sauli.

Adam runs a hand through his hair and flees.

Sauli just stays there for a while, trying to control his heartbeat and his raging hard-on. What the _hell_ just happened? He returns to the bathroom to splash water on his face and check he looks decent enough. He feels deliriously happy, but completely horrible about the way he was ditched, and so fucking aroused at the same time. He wants to go in one of the stalls and touch himself, but he doesn't.

Back at their table Adam is smiling and talking with the others as if nothing has happened.

Fine.

Obviously Adam regrets the kiss and wants to pretend it didn't happen. Sauli is not going to embarrass himself by trying to force himself on Adam, so he turns to his friends.

Later he sees Adam surrounded by a few hopeful guys. He's whispering in their ears.

Sauli's insides twist up so badly that he has to concentrate on breathing for a while. But it's no use getting hurt or mad. They're not dating or anything, and lord knows tequila has made Sauli do stupid things in his life, too.

By the time they exit the club the sun is already rising, what with them being so high up north. They part ways since Sauli has promised to stay at his friend Sini's place. He hasn't seen her in almost a year, so she's begging him to use every opportunity to spend time with her.

Rufus ruffles his hair. "You're a good man, Sauli. Come have brunch at the hotel tomorrow?"

Adam pointedly stands further away, only waving his hand at Sauli and his friends in farewell.

\---

Since Sini has driven there on a bicycle, Sauli gentlemanly drives it while Sini sits on the rack behind him.

While they're driving through the sleepy town in the bright and fresh early hours, only seagulls squawking in the air, Sauli predictably gets questioned by her.

"So..."

"There's no so."

"Are you sure? Two hot gay guys, together on a tour around Europe."

"It's not like that. And why do people always assume as soon as two gay men are in the same place they must be getting it on?"

"Sorry, sorry! I'm just saying, I've known you for a pretty long time and I can see you have the hots for him."

"Well, who doesn't." Eventually he admits. "I don't know, he's actually sort of giving me mixed signals. I don't understand him."

"It could be a number of things. He has someone else. He can't decide if he likes you or not. He can't decide if having sex with you is a terrible idea. He doesn't want to get engangled with someone he's touring with. He has a commitment phobia and is afraid you want more than a shag. He's a sick bastard who gets off on making you suffer. Take your pick. I've only met him tonight so I can't judge. And quite honestly I understand women better than men." After a moment she adds "He seems like a genuinely nice person."

”He is. I just don't get why he's acting in such a conflicting manner.”

"Just be careful. I think it's fine as long as you only want to get into his pants, but if you're starting to go googly-eyed over him and he's only interested in fun...”

”I know. He could be having fun right now for all I know.”

\---

Next day at the hotel they're nursing their hangovers over brunch. Adam isn't there. If he's exchanged numbers with someone at the club and hooked up with them, Sauli doesn't want to know.

\---

The band jets to Tallinn while Sauli goes with the crew on a ferry, joined by his friends who are coming to see the show for a second time. Backstage Adam looks completely normal, smiling to everyone. He doesn't particularly look at Sauli, but he also doesn't _not_ look at him, which is somehow worse than being ignored, which at least is a clear reaction to him, even if it's negative.

During the show Adam is on fire and Sauli almost loses his composure when Adam sticks his butt out and shakes it from side to side.

Sauli is free to spend a couple of days in Tallinn with his friends before travelling to Stockholm to rejoin the crew. Brian and Roger return to London briefly in the interim. He has no idea what Adam is doing. They meet again in Stockholm, where it seems that the distance has eased the tension between them. Things are pretty normal, Adam greeting him with a smile and "there's my boy." During the few days Sauli has almost forgotten how stupidly good he looks. Almost.

Adam seems to have decided not to acknowledge their kiss. Sauli wonders if he should make his interest clear. But Adam must be aware of it, so it's Adam's decision if he wants to do anything about it. It doesn't feel like they're on equal footing here. In a way he's working for Adam, and it would be pretty unprofessional of him to hit on his employer. Plus if he got rejected or everything went to hell otherwise, the rest of the tour would be terrible.

\---

In London Sauli sees that his plants are alive. It's nice to be back in the UK for the Isle of Wight festival. They have some free time before and after the show. He wonders if he should share all his man-troubles with Judy, who's curious about the tour, but he doesn't really feel like talking about Adam. He takes the opportunity to visit his sister and London friends and go out, since he's not as tied to the tour schedule as other crew members. Through social media he's vaguely aware of Adam going clubbing as well, but luckily they don't bump into each other. 

\---

A few days later in Belgium Sauli is sitting cross-legged on the floor of a backstage coffee room. He's laid out all his equipment on a cloth and is cleaning his cameras from any remnants of festival mud.

”I heard you had chocolate.” Adam is at the doorway.

”I might,” Sauli says slowly. Earlier that day he had taken the opportunity to practically raid a chocolaterie. Word has escaped and five people have already come begging him for chocolates. Now Sauli is jealously guarding his stash, lest he's forced to give everything away. Adam is blinking at him and it's useless to even pretend Sauli is going to resist. He opens his bag and pulls out a couple of boxes. Wanting to try as many varieties as possible, he's bought all sorts. Milk chocolate, dark chocolate, pralines, truffles, chocolate with nuts and fruit and different fillings, or flavoured with spices.

”Take what you like but just a few, okay?”

Adam hums on a high note, which isn't reassuring at all, and takes the boxes to a table. He's stroking his fairly grown out stubble while considering carefully. Finally he goes for a couple of the dark ones, savouring them slowly with a blissful look on his face.

”Bless you, Sauli.”

”You're welcome,” Sauli says weakly.

He continues his work and Adam stays in the room, taking a bottle of nail polish from his pocket. He's now meticulously painting his fingernails, humming a tune. It's a little awkward to be alone with Adam for the first time after the kiss. Maybe that's only him. Adam seems unfazed.

Without meaning to, Sauli pauses in his task and steals glances, unable to prevent his gaze from wandering all over. Adam is always wearing comfy yet stylish clothes backstage. The combination he's wearing now should look ridiculous. It doesn't. The black sleeveless shirt is of silky material and probably stupidly expensive. It has a low neck which reveals Adam's chest hair. Sauli thinks about scratching it. The black knee-length leather shorts boggle Sauli's mind, and now they've risen up to expose Adam's knees, which are freckled. Freckled. There's a whine in Sauli's throat and he's doing his damnedest to keep it inside. Calves, yes, those are well-formed calves. Adam is wearing some thick-soled leather sandal things, which Sauli isn't ready to analyze, but Adam's toenails are painted black as well and isn't that endearing as fuck. He drags his gaze upwards, all the way from Adam's toes and freckled knees, zeroing on his leather-clad crotch, and only then becomes aware that Adam has stopped humming. Possibly some time ago now that Sauli thinks about it. Cheeks flaming he looks up.

Adam is gripping the edge of the table and breathing heavily, staring at Sauli with his pupils blown and mouth slightly open. Sauli has no idea what his own face is doing. Endless seconds tick by until Sauli thinks he's about to either die on the spot or fall down on his back with his legs splayed open, but Adam breaks the moment, storming out so forcefully his chair scrapes the floor.

\---

During the show Sauli is pretty sure Adam actually flips off his camera, although he doesn't manage to capture it. There are definitely a few kicking motions directed at the camera, and Sauli is kind of annoyed. He's also embarrassed because hey, he's sorry his lust is inconveniencing Adam, but Adam could maybe act mature about it.

\---

In Switzerland Sauli thinks about apologizing for his horny staring. He plans what he's going to say, abandons the plan, comes up with a new line, abandons that one as well. Before he has time to say anything, Adam smiles at him as if there's never been anything awkward between them, and asks him to come sightseeing with Rufus and Jess, not wanting to be a third wheel.

Okay, then?

They're based in Zürich while in Switzerland. Strolling along the riverside, Rufus and Jess naturally form a pair, so Sauli is left walking next to Adam. It's nice, but Sauli feels a little shy after everything. Adam is chatty, inspired to talk about his first trips in Europe in his early twenties. They spend time in a café, head to the shopping district of Bahnhofstrasse. Sauli doesn't buy anything, he's learned his lesson after his first tour when he had to haul all his purchases around Europe. Adam buys a bomber jacket and shirts. The man has a PA and a jet, after all. Since Sauli carries his camera everywhere, they pretend to have a photoshoot at a designer boutique, giggling madly.

”I should hire you for real.”

”I don't know. I don't really do many photoshoots, it's not my expertise. And I'm sure you've worked with some pretty big names.”

”Nonsense. I need to like the person I'm working with. That's important.”

Sauli doesn't know what to say that.

\---

The concerts go by alarmingly fast. To Sauli's pleasure Brian stops by to have a conversation with him after the show in Poland. It's very easy to talk to Brian. He's such a kind and caring person, but fascinating as well, full of wisdom and opinions.

”Beautiful work yet again, Sauli. I don't know how you manage to make us old boys look twenty years younger.”

”I don't touch up your faces, if that's what you're thinking,” Sauli laughs. ”I think it's the fun you're having when you play. It shows.”

”I think it's the blood,” Roger says walking by and slapping Sauli's back. ”Cars are waiting.”

”What blood?”

”Adam's.” Brian looks wistful. ”Well, Sauli. We're all having drinks in an hour. You should join us.”

Sauli debates whether he really should, but agrees in the end. No one in their right mind says no when Queen ask them for a drink.

\---

Piano music flows through the hotel lounge they're meeting at. Totally unsurprisingly Adam arrives last, greeting everyone with a smile and a one-armed hug. Sauli's nose is filled with a familiar, enticing scent, his face smushed against Adam's shoulder.

Adam releases him. "How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you?" Sauli replies automatically.

"I'm alright." Adam seems friendly and normal, if a little distant.

The only empty seat is between Sauli and Spike. Actually, it turns out to be better that way. He's continually aware of Adam's closeness, but at least they don't have to look each other in the eye all the time. The evening is pleasant, filled with laughter and stories. Mostly Sauli just listens, taking part only when he's asked a question, or when he prompts Brian or Roger to elaborate on a story they're alluding to. It's lovely to see Adam interact with the band. Their mutual respect and love is apparent on stage, but it's nice to see this family vibe in a normal setting. He's only had one drink, but he's relaxed and drowsily happy. To be honest, he's lost track of whatever Adam is explaining to the group with his hands waving about. The sound of that light and animated voice fills Sauli's ears.

He wonders what it looks like. Him and Adam sitting next to each other. Him the only one not with the band. His cheeks heat up a little and he wonders if the guys assume there's something going on between them, and why is Brian looking at him?

”What about you, Sauli? We're over half-way through this mini-tour. Do you have any plans after this is over?”

”Uh, well.” He clears his throat. ”I do have a couple of jobs lined up, although they won't take much time. But I'm not worried or anything. I never have very long-term plans, but things have always worked out one way or another.”

Brian smiles. ”No commitments to tie you anywhere?”

”No, I'm happy to go where the work takes me. Although I wouldn't mind having some kinds of commitments.”

”Well. Roger and I were talking earlier, weren't we Rog, and we would love to book you again in the autumn, if you're interested and available. Adam, what do you think?”

”I think Sauli is extremely good at what he does.”

Never having been able to take compliments easily, he's certain he's blushing.

When they say goodnight Adam smiles at everyone, but turns a bit more serious when his eyes meet Sauli's.

\---

Sweat drips from Sauli's temples as he unloads the tour trucks in Romania, lending a hand to the crew. It definitely replaces a workout. In the evening it's still miserably hot, no breeze reaching down to where Sauli is with his cameras. He wonders how the band manages it, especially Adam who's moving about non-stop. At least he has wisely ditched both the studded jacket and the feathered jacket, wearing only sleeveless tops. The downside being this is the absolute worst for Sauli. He spends the entire time staring at Adam's bare arms, at the sweat glistening on his skin.

After the show one of the technicians carries over a bucket of ice cubes. Sauli is the first victim to get ice dropped down the back of his shirt. The shocking coldness makes him wriggle, but it's also a relief. As soon as Adam comes in, still sporting his crown but having abandoned the leopard jacket he wore for the encore, Sauli daringly grabs a handful of ice, circles behind Adam and quickly drops the fast-melting cubes down the back of his neck. Adam lets out a delightfully high-pitched shriek, which has everyone doubling in laughter. Sauli is quite probably grinning like a loon, watching Adam laugh loudly and shine like the sun.

\---

It's even hotter in Bulgaria. He doesn't know if it's the heat or something else, but Adam's trousers, which even in normal circumstances leave very little to imagination, are looking especially obscene. Sauli doesn't know which way to look. Either Adam has his back towards him in which case Sauli is stuck staring at that bubble butt, or he's facing Sauli displaying the shameless bulge happening in his trousers. Great, now Adam is thrusting his hips. Their kiss is playing on a loop in Sauli's mind. If only he could slide his hand down and adjust himself. Drunk as he may have been that night, he remembers all too well how that body felt like under his hands and pressed tightly against him.

\---

Later he's collecting his stuff, wondering if he should call it a night or do something about the nervous energy he's feeling. He could kill to go to the beach and swim in the Black Sea, but they're on the wrong side of the country for that. Jess finds him.

"There you are! Let's go out. Please, Sauli! I want to dance. I saw a gay club earlier, it's only two blocks from our hotel."

She makes him laugh. "Okay, I'll think about it. Anyone else?"

"Rufus, even if he doesn't know it yet. I'll ask Adam. Adam!" She yells, spotting Adam heading to a car and running to catch him.

It's a bit flattering Jess has asked him before Adam.

The previous time they all went out together ended up in a... disaster? Extreme confusion? Well, if Adam wants to come he's totally free to do so. Determined to have a good time, Sauli decides not to let it disturb his peace of mind.

Jess is explaining the plan to Adam, who in turn looks over at him. It's impossible to tell what Adam is thinking behind his shades, and who wears them at night anyway? Sauli hears him agree to come and Jess kisses Adam's cheek. ”Go get pretty, both of you!”

\---

The club is packed, mostly with Bulgarians, but Sauli hears a lot of English as well. Blissfully the club has good air conditioning. Sauli might have turned on his tracks if it hadn't been so.

Adam has certainly prettied himself up. He's wearing ripped jeans and a printed top but worst of all? A slight amount of eye-make-up giving him subtle smokey eyes. Sauli heads straight on the dance floor.

”Can I buy you a drink?” A short and skinny guy with black curls comes over. Beautiful, but not at all Sauli's type.

”Thanks but no, I don't want to get drunk and I'm dancing with my friend here.” He points to Jess.

Even though Adam is looking like a demigod it's weirdly enough Sauli who attracts a lot of attention. Not that Adam is exactly lacking attention, but Sauli is almost overwhelmed by the number of offers to dance or buy him a drink. He doesn't think he looks any different than before, in his skinny jeans and navy sleeveless top, but possibly the Bulgarian guys find his looks appealing. It's true he stands out a little in the predominantly dark-haired crowd. Mostly Sauli smiles and says no, preferring to dance with Jess, especially after two men are being way too handsy and he has to push their hands away.

Despite himself his eyes keep getting back to Adam who's sitting at their table, clearly not listening to the boys chatting him up. Instead he's looking at Sauli. The heavy-lidded gaze makes Sauli's heart race and a tingle start low in his stomach. He wishes he could tell Adam he's not trying to make him jealous.

He's thirsty as hell. ”Jess, I'm taking a break!” he shouts through the music.

He asks for a glass of water at the bar, drowning it in fast gulps and trying to control his shaking hand. He barely has time to set the glass down before Adam appears at his side, taking Sauli's hand and tugging him away. _Now this is a déjà-vu_ , Sauli thinks hysterically as he's following Adam, and also, _they are holding hands_. He's taken to an empty spot and Adam grabs his shoulders, turning him to stand by the wall.

”Are you trying to make me jealous?” Adam asks, intense and serious.

”No,” Sauli breathes out in reply, grabs hold of Adam's shirt, stands on his toes and reaches up to slant his mouth against Adam's.

Adam makes a muffled sound but kisses him back. Strong arms wrap around Sauli's smaller frame. Their lips are sliding against each other's again and again, the kiss turning wet and heated fast. Adam pushes his tongue inside Sauli's mouth and Sauli drags his fingers along Adam's back, desperately grabbing hold everywhere. They stumble against the wall. He's pinned there by Adam's body, his feet almost raised off the ground. A powerful thigh presses between Sauli's legs, brushing against the hard bulge in his jeans. With a stuttered moan and unable to control himself, Sauli drags his hips along Adam's thigh, practically riding it. A hand on his ass encourages the movement. Tearing his lips from Adam's he gasps for breath and, apparently, Adam's name.

”Sauli, Sauli... You're driving me crazy.” It's mumbled against his neck.

A hand slides under his shirt and the exploring touch makes the muscles over his stomach tremble.

Hands clasping the sides of Sauli's head, Adam looks at him with eyes so dilated and seductive Sauli's knees would betray him if he wasn't supported by Adam's body. ”Let's go?”

There's a question in there, and Sauli nods. ”Yes.”

\---

Neither of them have jackets so they're ready to just leave. Outside in the humid, dark night Sauli pauses to drag his phone from his pocket. He texts Jess.

> Fyi, Adam and I are going back to the hotel. Shut up.

He receives a winky face in return.

The hotel is so close they can see it, but they both have the instinct to avoid attention and resist touching each other on the way.

Inside Adam leads him to the elevator and presses a button. It's just the two of them and Adam steps into his space, dragging his fingers along Sauli's jaw.

While Adam is busy with a keycard Sauli presses himself against Adam's back, sliding his hand around Adam's waist to pop open the top button of his jeans. There's a soft curse and they crash through the door, slamming it shut behind them.

The room is completely dark and almost too silent after the loud music of the club and the traffic outside. Sauli finds it oddly thrilling to be pressed against Adam in the pitch-black, responding to frantic kisses and hearing only their sighs and the shockingly wet sounds of their kissing. Sauli is going slightly crazy for the way Adam kisses, teasingly flicking his tongue and making Sauli chase it, then passionately like he's unable to stop himself. Slowly Adam starts backing him, stopping to switch on a table lamp that brings a soft warm glow to the room.

Adam looks stunning, his hair mussed and lips plump and swollen. The backs of Sauli's knees bump into a huge bed. After toeing off his shoes he falls down on the bed, grabbing a pillow to slide it under his head. He looks at Adam and can't stop a grin forming on his lips. He spreads his legs a bit, slowly drags up the hem of his top and slides the thing off.

Adam is visibly panting, staring at him while removing his shoes and all the rings and accessories on his hands. The bulge in those ripped jeans looks large, straining the material. Sauli is so turned on he grabs the bedsheets in his fists. Soon he's pressed against the mattress by the whole length of Adam's body on top of him. The heavy weight is delicious. It's a sensory overload, being kissed and touched, enveloped by the intoxicating scent and hearing Adam's little sighs and hums.

Sauli opens his legs wider and feeling impatient grabs the belt loops of Adam's jeans, dragging those hips tight against his. Adam lets out of loud, surprised moan. The hot and hard bulge presses against Sauli's own erection and he can fucking feel Adam's cock twitch. When Adam raises his upper body Sauli sees a wild look in his eyes. He's pushing at Sauli's leg so that Sauli pulls his knee up to his chest, creating space for Adam to grind his hips against Sauli's crotch.

Having seen Adam move his body on stage plenty of times, it's unsurprising that Adam turns out to have extremely flexible hips which he is now rotating in a dirty grind. Sauli almost goes cross-eyed at the sinfully good sensation. He's leaking now, Adam's hard length repeatedly thrusting against him. Needing Adam's mouth he pulls until Adam lies fully down on top of him again. When Adam breaks their kiss Sauli whines, but he's rewarded with a hot mouth sliding down his neck, kissing his chest and stopping before his right nipple. A pause and a wicked smile directed at him before there's a tongue licking a slow stripe over the hard nub. "F-fuck!"

"Yeah?" Adam hums and repeats the action before attacking the other one.

When Adam's head is yet again buried in his neck, kissing and nibbling like he wants to imprint Sauli's taste on his tongue, Adam's wide back starts to shake under Sauli's caressing hands. There's a wheezing sound. Totally confused, Sauli freezes before he realizes Adam is laughing.

”Adam? What the hell?”

Adam is gasping for breath. "Sorry, I'm sorry! This has been so stupid. I've been so stupid. I've never wanted anyone this much in my life." Adam giggles madly and it's infectious, but Sauli is feeling approximately a thousand emotions at once—amazement, fondness, happiness and lust to name a few—and exasperation is quickly winning over.

"I'm very aware, yes, you are a total idiot," he splutters at that infuriating, grinning face.

"I don't know why I thought we shouldn't do this."

Sauli hits him on the back.

"Ow. I'm sorry, babe." Adam kisses him, slides his fingers reverently all over Sauli's cheeks, touches his nose ring. "Oh, honey. Honey." Another kiss. "Will you have me? Will you be mine?"

Completely floored and overwhelmed Sauli manages to whisper affirmatively into Adam's ear and drags him into a deep kiss. Adam's hips jerk which causes their cocks to slide together, making them boath moan.

In the midst of their kissing Sauli feels a hand on his waist opening the fastenings of his jeans, brushing against his straining cock. Adam places one more kiss on his lips before looking down, watching as he drags Sauli's jeans and underwear all the way off. Sauli's flushed cock is hard and wet against his stomach. Adam looks at it as he loses his own shirt and jeans, leaving on his black briefs. Adam's cock is prettily outlined in them, the waistband barely keeping it from standing straight up.

Crawling on his knees Adam moves to straddle Sauli's hips. Sauli sits up and wraps his arms around Adam, pressing his face against the slightly toned and furred chest, rubbing his cheek against it and inhaling the masculine scent. He slides his fingers down inside Adam's underwear, wrapping his fingers around the cock and pulling it out. It is fucking huge. Cut, which he expected but is a novelty for Sauli. None of the guys he's slept with have happened to be cut, and he's had more of steady relationships than one-night-stands anyway. He drags his hand slowly up, wetting his fingers with the wetness at the tip. Does it again.

Adam is moaning, his restless hands sliding all over Sauli's skin, twisting in his hair. Adam is turning out to be very vocal in bed, which Sauli is absolutely on board with. Hearing the responses in that beautiful voice is a huge turn-on. There's a heavy scent of sex in the air. Sauli feels almost animalistic; he wants everything at once. Wants to rub his whole body against Adam's, lick the sweat from that freckled skin, wants to push his face into Adam's armpit, inhale the musk in his crotch. He presses their cocks together and jerks them slowly, groaning against Adam's firm chest, biting at the skin.

He looks up at Adam. ”Would you fuck me?”

”Oh my God, Sauli.”

He's kissed roughly, pressed to lie on the bed. He puts a hand on Adam's chest, stopping him.

”Wait, wait. Lie down. I need to taste.”

”Fuck.” Adam whines. ”Don't make me come.”

Adam lies back on the bed, pulling his briefs off. Sauli gets between his legs, takes a hold of that cock and licks a long stripe up. It twiches under his tongue and Adam curses again, his whole body shuddering. Sauli flicks his tongue around the head, licks at the underside repeatedly and takes the head in his mouth. Adam is so loud. It's gorgeous. He sucks and takes as much of the cock in his mouth as he can, but doesn't dare to get ambitious. It's been a while. So he alternates between sucking hard and concentrating on suckling at the head. Adam is leaking heavily on his tongue and his body is trembling from the effort of keeping still.

”I can't... Sauli, please.”

He pulls back and let's the cock slip from his mouth. ”Too much?”

”Almost.” Adam takes deep breaths to calm himself down and reaches for a backpack on the floor. He tosses a condom and lube on the bed. With a concentrated look on his face he starts caressing all over Sauli's hips, frustratingly slowly inching lower and lower until his fingers brush against Sauli's hole. It's almost too intimate and Sauli lies back, throwing an arm over his eyes and panting. Wet kisses are pressed on his hips while Adam slicks his finger with lube and starts teasing him, pressing inside. He's definitely good at this, watching Sauli's reactions intently and enjoying the process of melting him. Getting him ready for a cock, adding more fingers as he works Sauli open. The kisses inch closer to his cock and then Adam kisses it, flattens his tongue and drags it up. Sauli has imagined this too many times.

”No, don't. I'll come.” Adam groans but backs off and thankfully Sauli feels himself backing from the edge.

Finally Adam puts the condom on, slicks himself and presses the tip against his opening, slowly pushing in. Sauli spreads his legs wide. The cock breaching him feels uncomfortably big so he grabs Adam's hips, directing the pace as he likes. Adam stops moving when he's balls-deep inside and lets Sauli adjust to the feeling. Tilting his head in invitation makes Adam kiss him. They keep kissing when Adam starts moving his hips in deliciously fluid movements, pushing in and out. It feels fucking amazing. He grabs Adam's round ass with both hands, moaning into his mouth. Adam takes hold of the headboard and fucks harder.

Sauli's brain might short-circuit. He can't stop looking into Adam's dark eyes, their mouths panting against each other. Adam lowers his body to lie more heavily on top of him. It makes Sauli's cock brush wetly against Adam's skin with every thrust. He grabs Adam's hand and directs it between their bodies, tangling their fingers around his cock until he starts coming against Adam's stomach.

Adam looks down between their bodies and moans.”Yeah, yeah. That's so good, come for me.”

He takes Adam's other hand and sucks a finger inside his mouth, sucking it hard and moaning around it while his whole body trembles with the last spurts. Adam loses it and starts fucking at a furious pace, wet slapping sounds and moans filling the room until Adam groans against Sauli's neck and comes in deep, shuddering jerks.

Adam grinds his hips in ever slower movements until he stops shaking and slowly pulls out. He removes the condom and ties it, tossing it somewhere in the direction of a bin and flops down next to Sauli. ”Oh, fuck. Shit. Fuck.”

Sauli laughs breathlessly. They're covered in sweat. Their legs are entangled together.

Once he catches his breath, Sauli turns his head. Adam is lying on his side, hair sticking up. Sauli's own is probably in no better condition. Adam is looking at him with those big, beautiful eyes and smiling in such a cute way that Sauli has to squeeze his eyes shut. It feels intimate to be lying there naked. They had sex. Adam's fingertips start playing on his skin.

”Weeks of sexual frustration but totally worth it,” Sauli mumbles incoherently.

Adam bursts out in laughter. ”How do you think I felt? You were everywhere. That hot little body. Your eyes.”

”My eyes?” He opens them.

”Mm-hm. And knowing you're watching my every move on stage.”

”Not every move. I do have to shoot the others as well.”

Adam huffs. ”I'm not sure I believe you. Maybe we should go through your photos,” he teases.

Sauli pretends outrage. ”Are you implying my serious photography is just some personal wank material?”

Adam's shoulders start shaking with mirth. ”I'm not the one implying you wank to photos of me.”

Sauli wants to take it up as his life's mission—well, one of them—to make Adam laugh. In fact it should be everyone's mission, he thinks loopily.

Adam turns more serious. ”I'm so sorry about behaving like a dick. Especially in Helsinki. I couldn't resist you, but then I panicked. And usually I want to make sure the person I'm about to kiss actually wants to be kissed.”

”It's okay. Luckily I wanted to be kissed by you.”

”Yeah, I don't doubt you would have kicked me in the balls if you didn't.”

”You're doubly lucky then that I'm interested in the well-being of your balls.”

Adam's laugh turns into a content but tired moan when Sauli slides his hand down to cup the said balls. Adam inches closer to lie impossibly tight against him and they're kissing again.

Adam kisses his cheeks, his closed eyelids, the top of his curls. Suddenly there's an enormous lump in Sauli's throat.

He didn't know they were in love. Why didn't anyone tell him? He feels like someone should have told him.

It makes him feel small. Adam is showing his affection so openly now, completely unafraid. In love. Sauli isn't going to say it aloud, though. Maybe later. Adam might have to coax it out of him, it's not something he finds easy to say. But he knows it now. He wraps his arms around Adam and squeezes hard, kisses a freckled shoulder.

Adam yawns into his hair. ”This whole room stinks of sex. We've ruined the bed. Maybe we should take a shower and go to sleep in your room.”

”Won't your PA have a heart-attack if you're not here in the morning?”

”He doesn't have a key, he calls before he comes.”

”Okay, then.”

”Okay.”

After showering they walk along hotel corridors in their bathrobes, carrying their clothes. Sauli is trying to hush Adam who can't stop giggling as they debate whether it counts as a walk of shame if they're in it together and nobody sees them.

\---

Later in Italy, during the soundcheck before their last concert, Adam sees Sauli and stops in the middle of 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love'. Sauli is about to go set up his equipment but Adam jogs up to him.

”Do you like dogs?”

”What? Why? You don't have a dog, right?”

”No, but I've wanted to get one for years. If you hate dogs I'm afraid it's a deal breaker,” Adam says with a deadpan face.

Shaking his head fondly Sauli takes the mic from Adam's hand. ”I love dogs,” he says into it.

Smiling brilliantly, Adam takes the mic back and picks up right where he left off.

**Author's Note:**

> Humble apologies to the people whose names and imagined personalities I've used as my characters, especially AFL, who I hope will find love with whomever he deems worthy. May you never see this stuff.
> 
> This is obviously more fiction than fact, but some things are real – some very important things, like for instance there really was a butt-shake during ”Fat Bottomed Girls” in Tallinn.


End file.
